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I’m in love with one of my best friends – should I tell her?

Dec 2nd, 2016 by

She has a long-term boyfriend and I wonder whether she feels somewhat trapped – but when we’re together we’re completely at ease with each other

I’ve fallen in love with one of my best friends, and I don’t know whether to tell her. Granted, it’s not an original dilemma, and given that the upshot of doing nothing is the continuation of our friendship, it feels selfish and presumptuous to ponder hypotheticals. And yet I can’t help but wonder “what if?”. The problem here – and it’s a big problem – is that she has a long-term boyfriend, and I’ve become friends with him, too. We aren’t close friends, principally because I’m hugely jealous of him, but clearly any attempt to steal his girlfriend would be a huge betrayal.

I also think that his mental health hinges on his relationship to a large degree. It’s in her nature to be sensitive to this, but I wonder whether she doesn’t also feel somewhat trapped, and that her refusal to live with him – even after several years – might be symptomatic of this. We’re both introverted and quite shy individuals, and although we’re completely at ease in each other’s company, neither of us is given to discussing these issues. I don’t feel I can speculate on her reasons without projecting (although it’s entirely possible that she simply doesn’t realise how much I like her), but for me it stems from a fear of rejection, blatancy and the very real possibility of jeopordising our friendship. Increasingly, though, I feel that this could be a price worth paying. I still believe that pondering hypotheticals is a waste of time, but the question remains, and at 31, I’m conscious that time is running out. Should I carry on picking at petals, or just tell her how I feel?

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